Relate With Love
We just hate it when parents, or just any “adults” tell us we’re still too young to be involved in any kind of sexual relationships, too young to make our own choices? Some times we just feel like yelling out; “Hey, don’t you treat me like some baby kid. In case you haven’t noticed it, I have already grown taller than you!”
Just telling us we are too young to understand isn’t going to help any. Relationships are very real and all around us. And if they are not going to enlighten us, we’ll just have to rely on the TV, MTV, movies or the net.
“But that’s the really dangerous part”, says Dean Sherman, a youth counsellor who has been teaching on the subject of relationships for more than 30 years now, “because the media, especially the entertainmnet industry, is known for its manipulation of public perception in the glorification of sexual gratification.” Dean, guest speaker in a recent special seminar on Relationshiops, organised by Life College, says “We have also reached a stage in life where not doing it, because “my culture says so” or because “it’s against my religion”, just don’t seem strong enough reasons to stop us from doing what everyone else is already doing anyway. But there is the universal principle of right and wrong, clear conscience, and personal safety behind every cultural or religious edict. It’s like the reason we don’t drive on the wrong lane of the road, although some have been foolhardy enough to risk life and limb just for the adrenaline rush.
“The purpose for life is relationships, to love and to be loved. To relate is to love. The opposite of love in terms of attitude is hate, the opposite of love in terms of function is selfishness. Every problem in the world today is a problem that stems from hate or selfishness, a failure to relate in love. Think war, rape, economic injustice, famine… and you will get the picture,” intones Dean.
Dean began by establishing some basic views on what love really is, and how important humans are, before progressing to the particular areas of romantic and sexual relationships, and exploring these as the source of most of our relationship problems. Young and old are both affected, the old with extramarital problems, the young, not yet committed, are more into the dynamics of multiple partnerships.
From his many years of youth counselling, Dean asserts that 90% of the hurt and confusion in young people had to do with boy-girl relationships and sexuality, regardless of culture or religion. This is the subject of all songs, movies, most books and TV shows that transcend every culture today.
His advice: ”When handling relationships, it helps put everything in perspective if we examine our feelings, actions and the words we say, as either loving or selfish. Behind feelings there is a choice. It’s like feeling for someone else other than the person you are currently with. You choose if you are going to love or sleep with that other person and risk hurting the person you are currently with.”
Justin, Multimedia major in Life College, said he now realises that “When a girls says no, she means it, so don’t force it. It is poor friendship if we manipulate or blackmail a friend into saying yes, when she means no.”
Stephanie Hong, a business major, said “the sad thing is the underlying selfishness in people who just take and take. Love is meant to be given, it is respect, to think highly of your friend, and not to take advantage of the relationship for personal gratification.”
Amanda Leong, another Buisness major, sums it well when she said that we shouldn’t have to be forced to do something we don’t like. We should respect ourselves and respect others.” Sounds old-fashioned? If we stop and think of the well being of our friend, instead of seeing this as an archaic system of “dos and don’ts”, we just might get the idea. Right on, young lady.